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lyrics

it's so different when you can feel the horns
alone on a city bus in the middle of the night
the driver pulled over for a smoke
and you're not quite sure where you are
somewhere in the south valley
not everything is mysterious
your life isn't a film
and you can't think of another word for eyes
but you keep looking anyway
if you point out the ugliness in a calm voice, are you glamorizing it?
oh, to control what you forget
you're damned, and that's really all there is to it
scaring someone just struggling to get by
walking carefully to the places you wanted to go
it sounded better when you said it to yourself in your head
you can't picture a scenario where you can just let yourself be
you can stand this reminiscent fog when it's warm
but not now
in early cold
simple recognition
from that bar you loved to complain about
memorizing fetishes
and you and your ex got thrown out
and you swear to god it started raining that very moment
but really, it started raining before all this
you were better about staying out of the rain
sure, you could make yourself sick
but you could never hold your head under long enough to drown
if you repeat the little mistakes you repeat the big ones
you could pretend
but you got turned around
without the charm
practicing an accent you never had
you can't change
the gifts you abandon are the ones that you never get back
what you told your friends wasn't exactly a lie
but you feel guilty about it anyway
you want to watch something old and familiar
success is for the weak, you tell yourself
it takes perseverance to fail this long
you've reached the end of something
but you're not sure what it is yet

credits

from LOBE, released March 5, 2021

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Portal to the God Damn Blood Dimension Salt Lake City, Utah

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